MYSTERY TRIP

by Jared Battaglia

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Embrace the unknown...

EXT. TRIBECA, LOWER MANHATTAN - ESTABLISHING

The morning rush. Everyone’s trying to get somewhere faster than everyone else.

A MAN’S VOICE (PRE-LAP) Elegant Murder is one of the most arresting true crime memoirs I’ve come across in a long time.

INT. BUBBY’S TRIBECA - DAY

In a cozy corner table sits VIVIENNE “VIV” STONE, 40s, the most notorious book publisher in town and CEO of StoneHouse, an imprint of Paradine Global.

VIV “Fashion models who kill” is a phenomena that does get swept under the rug in our beauty-centric society. But wasn’t there a movie like that already on Amazon Prime? They eat a model because she’s a demon or something?

Across from her is BENNETT CRANE, 30, Executive Editor on- the-make, in a fully canvassed Hickey Freeman suit, tries to keep his voice down in the crowded restaurant.

BENNETT This is a true story.

A SERVER drops off the check, Viv picks it up.

VIV True crime has peaked. People are catching on, it’s always the husband, the boyfriend, the mistress or the wife slow poisoning the husband. It just didn’t grab me on the first page. And what do I always say?

Bennett thinks quick.

BENNETT It has to grab you on the first page.

Viv nods.

VIV And the other thing I always say?

2.

BENNETT (quiet, reluctant) You can mix shit with ice cream but it’s still gonna taste like shit.

She puts her hand behind her ear.

VIV I didn’t quite hear that.

BENNETT (a bit louder) You can mix shit with ice cream but it’s still gonna taste like shit.

Viv points.

VIV Exactly. I was right about the Kylie & Kendall YA dystopian novel. And I’m right about this.

She signs the check.

BENNETT In my hands it could’ve been the next Hunger Games.

VIV Keep telling yourself that.

The Server returns, Viv hands the check back.

EXT. HUDSON STREET - SOON AFTER

Viv hustles down a busy sidewalk. Bennett on her tail.

BENNETT I think we’re gonna kick ourselves if we pass on this.

VIV She just exploited the other girl’s peanut allergy. I wanted more.

BENNETT Like I said, it’s a true story though.

VIV Yes but we need titles that resonate across all mediums. (MORE)

3.

VIV (CONT’D) Books that pop whether you’re scrolling through the Kindle Store or browsing the aisles of Barnes & Noble.

On Bennett, deflated.

BENNETT Still have the next book from the author of The Werewolf Diet lined up for spring. Packed with all-new insight to help you fast based on phases of the moon.

Viv flags down a cab.

VIV That was a big hit for us. I’ll bring it up in my meeting with Paradine, which I’m going to be late for if I don’t get moving. Need him to sign off on the budget increase.

BENNETT Good luck trying to squeeze another nickel out of that man.

VIV One bad quarter isn’t going to sink us. I’m confident we can turn this ship around.

The cab pulls up to the curb, Viv yanks open the door but before getting in, she notices an outline in Bennett’s pants that draws her pause.

VIV (CONT’D) Bennett, is that a banana in your pocket?

Bennett casually removes a banana from his pocket.

BENNETT Yeah, I always do banana in the morning.

Viv cocks an eyebrow. A smirk on her face.

VIV Guess that’s one way to get the girls’ attention.

Bennett gives her an odd look, what’s that supposed to mean? She shuts the door. He peels the banana, nonchalantly takes a bite and watches the cab drive off. The wheels turning in his head.

4.

INT./EXT. TAXI CAB - TRAVELING UPTOWN

Viv checks one of many Facebook notifications appearing on her phone; The Petersons are back at it! Kenny was just awarded The Thiel Fellowship! Derek is now 10th in The World Amateur Golf Rankings! A flood of LIKES and EMOJI approval follows.

VIV (under her breath) God, how do I turn these things off. It’s like a bragging Christmas letter every day of the year.

Eye roll. The CAB DRIVER glances back in his rearview.

CAB DRIVER Where to Boss Lady?

VIV Union Square.

THE PETERSON FAMILY is in full effect on her time line. They’ve even used a third party app to add music and animated graphics to their latest album titled, “Philly Family Weekend Getaway Fun Time With The Petersons.”

ZOOM IN:

1) KENNY, 13, with coke-bottle glasses, bites into a soft pretzel.

2) Followed by DEREK, 17, more sporty, unabashedly chows down on a dripping cheese steak.

3) Their parents SPENCE, a super positive guy and ELISE, perpetually upbeat, oops pose next to the Liberty Bell, pretending like they’ve put a crack in it.

CUT:

BACKSEAT WITH VIV - AS BEFORE

To no one in particular:

VIV Do these people ever stay home? Every other weekend it’s something new.

The Cab Driver glances up in the rearview mirror.

CAB DRIVER A case of FOMO?

5.

Viv momentarily stares up from her phone.

VIV Excuse me?

The Cab Driver explains:

CAB DRIVER Fear of missing out.

Viv blinks.

VIV I’m perfectly fine missing out.

She hits LANGLEY in her contacts as FACETIME pops up.

INT. STUYVESANT HIGH SCHOOL - HALLWAY - INTERCUT

Viv’s daughter, LANGLEY, 16, a kinder, gentler version of her mom, appears on screen, heading to class.

LANGLEY Mom is everything okay?

VIV Everything’s fine. How do I turn off Facebook alerts? I finally joined. The “Perfect” Petersons are at it again.

Langley cuts her a look.

LANGLEY The Petersons? As in Uncle Spence, your brother and his family?

VIV Half-brother.

Langley exhales.

LANGLEY Go to settings, uncheck notifications.

Viv makes a mental note.

VIV Thanks.

LANGLEY Couldn’t you have just asked one of your many assistants?

6.

VIV I make them nervous. And don’t want to distract them from more important things.

LANGLEY So you’d rather have me, your only child be distracted as I struggle to maintain a four point o in one of the most competitive high schools in the country?

VIV You have my last name, won’t have a problem getting into an Ivy League. You’re a Nepo Baby.

LANGLEY Um, not sure I even want to go to an Ivy. Might take a gap year like Malia Obama.

VIV Yeah, that’s not happening.

Frustrated, Langley changes the subject.

LANGLEY Uncle Spence keeps messaging me. He says you never respond to his e-mails, snail mail, phone calls, or texts.

VIV He isn’t a priority in life.

LANGLEY Well, he wants us to go on a trip with them for the break.

Viv shakes her head.

VIV I’m not going anywhere with those people.

LANGLEY We haven’t gone on a vacation in years.

VIV Don’t guilt trip me, I took you to Montauk six months ago.

LANGLEY So you could chase down an elusive author and publish his latest “rich people with problems” novel. (MORE)

7.

LANGLEY (CONT’D) Don’t you want to encourage me to take a break from screen media, have deeper physical experiences, and embrace the analog world?

Viv thinks about it.

VIV They did mention that at the parent- teacher conference. Where do the Petersons want to go?

LANGLEY They don’t know.

VIV I’d consider Bermuda, a two hour flight.

LANGLEY No, that’s the point. They don’t know. They’re arranging a trip with a surprise travel company.

Viv lifts an eyebrow.

VIV Surprise travel?

LANGLEY You leave the guidebooks at home. They plan the whole trip. You sign up and have no idea where you’re going. Your destination is a surprise. It’s about being adventurous and spontaneous, embracing the unknown.

Viv cringes.

VIV Hard pass. I hate surprises.

LANGLEY I don’t even know why I bother.

She ends the call. Off Viv, conflicted emotions.

INT. PARADINE GLOBAL HQ - DAY

Sleek and polished. Viv is guided by an ASSISTANT down a long glass catwalk stretching over the lobby below.

8.

ASSISTANT Ms. Stone, can I get you a water, coffee, espresso, tea or anything?

Viv pops an Altoids in her mouth.

VIV Water’s fine. Sparkling.

ASSISTANT Any career advice for a fellow Sarah Lawrence grad? Go Gryphons.

The Assistant makes a fist.

VIV Sharon Stone said it best, you can only sleep your way to the middle, you have to claw your way to the top.

With a mixed reaction, the Assistant reaches for a door.

INT. PARADINE GLOBAL HQ - CEO OFFICE - DAY

A view of gleaming Midtown buildings. Viv meets with the head of the company, MADDOCK PARADINE, 50s, at his desk, a high-powered publishing mogul who has always had a soft spot for his former protégé.

VIV Did you have a chance to review my proposal for the next quarter?

PARADINE Everything looked great. But we’re going to have to press pause.

VIV Oh? Why not just press play?

Viv pretends to push an imaginary button on his desk. Paradine leans forward in his chair.

PARADINE Some unforeseen circumstances have transpired.

She sits back.

VIV Care to elaborate?

9.

PARADINE Viv, you know me, I’m an easy going guy. I’m Canadian --

VIV Never let anyone forget it.

She regards her bottle of Clearly Canadian water.

PARADINE (amused) Right.

Then serious:

PARADINE (CONT’D) Allegations have come to light about you that I take very seriously and we’re going to need to hold a beat to conduct an independent review.

Viv is thrown for a loop. Deer in headlights --

VIV What kind of allegations? I might throw a stapler across the conference room once in awhile but I never hit anyone.

PARADINE Inappropriate, suggestive remarks.

Viv cocks an eyebrow. Not what she was expecting.

VIV Who in my office is alleging this?

PARADINE An executive editor by the name of Bennett Crane.

Viv is floored.

VIV Bennett?! I don’t understand, I just had a breakfast meeting with him.

PARADINE Where you suggested that by placing a banana in the pocket of his pants, Mr. Crane would “get the girls’ attention.”

She gapes.

10.

VIV I didn’t suggest he actually do that! It was an off-handed remark because he really did have a banana in his pocket.

Viv stops herself.

VIV (CONT’D) Wait. He filed a complaint during my cab ride from TriBeCa to your Midtown offices? Is this a joke?

Paradine is stone-faced.

PARADINE I wish it was. But I empathize, I do. We’re all getting up in years, surrounded by younger people in the work place. Their skin is fresh, firmer.

She self-consciously touches her face.

PARADINE (CONT’D) But we can’t give into temptation. We need to maintain a professional and safe work environment for all employees.

VIV Yes, of course. But Bennett doesn’t tempt me in the least! He’s so self-satisfied and probably spends more time getting ready than I do. I only hired him because he seemed overly ambitious, reminded me of a young Christian Gerhartsreiter.

PARADINE The Rockefeller imposter who murdered someone?

VIV Yeah him. During his interview Bennett promised to get Robert Galbraith’s next book for us. Then I found out that’s just a pseudonym for J.K. Rowling. But I admired his chutzpah anyway.

PARADINE But Viv, this morning’s incident was just the tip of the iceberg. Bennett also made claims of misandry, a hostile work environment and that he believes you to be a crypto-fascist.

Viv is aghast.

11.

VIV Why? Because I rejected the murder memoir he wants us to publish? Don’t you think this is making a mockery of actual harassment and undermining real victims?

PARADINE I’m confident this will all blow over and we can reach a settlement with Bennett. The truth is I like having you around. You’re great at what you do. (then) But I need you to take a two week leave of absence.

There’s a beat of silence... Viv goes cold -- then:

VIV What am I supposed to do for two weeks? This job is my life. I am StoneHouse.

Paradine shrugs.

PARADINE I don’t know. Take a vacation?

Off Viv, bracing herself as if the world might swallow her whole at any minute.

INT. LUXURY PENTHOUSE - NIGHT

Viv is sprawled on the couch eating a strudel. Drake’s Energy is blasting. While she simultaneously watches one of the Real Housewives franchise’s reunions.

A cast member confronts someone. There’s tears. Finger pointing. Screaming. People are being held back, etc.

LANGLEY How many Postmates orders did you have delivered?

Langley enters, there’s boxes of Thai, comfort food and decadent desserts strewn across the counter.

VIV I can’t be seen in public, did you see that hit piece on Page Six? I considered Ian a friend. We attended Art Basel together last year. He could’ve at least spared me with a blind item until I cleared my name.

12.

Langley picks up a remote, turns off the music.

LANGLEY It’ll all blow over. His claims are kind of flimsy. And misandry? That’s a reach. Bennett has always struck me as an opportunist.

Langley plops down next to her. Viv smiles over at her.

VIV You really are wise beyond your years.

LANGLEY Not sure about that. I just don’t like anyone messing with my mom.

They watch transfixed as a Housewife wipes mascara from her eyes after having a meltdown.

VIV I’m so glad I didn’t go on this show.

LANGLEY Yeah, me too.

BEAT.

VIV Maybe we should do it. Take that “Mystery Trip” with the Petersons.

Langley perks up.

LANGLEY You mean it?

VIV I can’t stand the sight of Bethenny Frankel anymore. Wined and dined her for weeks, only to lose her book deal to Simon & Schuster.

LANGLEY Awesome, I’ll tell Uncle Spence.

Langley sits up and grabs her phone, sends a message.

EXT. HIGH LINE PARK - DAY

Viv has dark shades and a scarf wrapped around her head. She gathers with Langley, Spence and Elise. Nearby, Kenny and Derek kick a soccer ball back and forth.

13.

ELISE We are so excited you’re coming with us!

Elise gives Viv a hug then dishes out another to Langley.

SPENCE Glad the whole squad FINALLY came through. I’ve been wanting to take a trip with my sis for forever.

Spence slings his arm over Viv’s shoulder.

VIV We went to Coney Island when our mother momentarily acknowledged my existence again years after she abandoned my father and I for your Dad. Does that count?

He waves her off.

SPENCE It’s in the past! We’re the only brother and sister each other has. Nothing can put a strain on our siblingship.

VIV So have any of you actually taken one of these mystery trips before?

ELISE Nope. We’re all first timers. The company is called Destination Unknown. Word of mouth is growing fast.

SPENCE It’s modestly budgeted per person. We were sick of getting bogged down by the details of booking a trip. It took all the joy out of traveling --

ELISE We just have to go to their office and answer a few quick questions together in person. Then they get to work crafting a personalized experience that speaks to everyone’s interests.

SPENCE They could literally send us anywhere in the world!

14.

ELISE Unlike other surprise travel firms, the mysteries don’t stop once you find out where you’re going. The entire itinerary unfolds bit by bit as the trip happens.

SPENCE Like a Choose Your Own Adventure but you’re not choosing, except you kind of are since the trip was tailored to fit our collective vacation desires, even the subconscious ones.

Langley is into it.

LANGLEY Take the plunge, Mom. Come on.

VIV Guess I’ll have to.

Viv isn’t thrilled. As a BIKE RIDER cruises by.

MALE BIKER Misandry isn’t okay!

He splashes Viv with his water bottle and peddles off.

INT. DESTINATION UNKNOWN HQ - DAY

A boutique start-up. Viv, Langley and the Petersons are gathered at a table in a glass encased client room.

A wall-mounted screen displays the company’s promo reel flashing images of a family popping up out of a suitcase into various worldly destinations and exotic locales. Viv eyes the video cautiously.

ANNAMIEKA TROUVELOT, rounds the corner and passes a hologram in the atrium which displays a spinning globe with dart-like arrows landing in random places.

A stunning entrepreneur with confidence in spades, she sweeps into the room as glass doors slide open.

ANNAMIEKA Hello, I’m Annamieka Trouvelot, CEO, of Destination Unknown, the premier surprise travel concierge service. We are so pleased to welcome you here and to have the opportunity to create a truly bespoke trip for you and your family.

15.

The group ad-libs hellos. Everyone has a tablet in hand.

ANNAMIEKA (CONT’D) As each of you fills out your questionnaire, our unique algorithm will help craft your very own mystery trip that could take you to virtually any corner of the globe. A one-of-a-kind travel experience and a story only you’ll be able to tell. Whether you’re taking in the glorious sight of a lioness and her cubs with an award-winning videographer, heli-sking in the perfectly powdered slopes of Courchevel, or dancing at the North Pole amidst the aurora borealis --

Spence and Elise exchange a look.

SPENCE We could definitely check a couple of those off the bucket list.

Annamieka smiles, continues:

ANNAMIEKA You may hate planning or just be intrigued by the thrill of not knowing. Whatever it may be, everything we do for our clients is summed up in one goal and that is to redefine what travel can be, while transforming your life long after you’ve returned home.

Viv folds her arms, cuts her off --

VIV So, let me get this straight, we fill out some form, you pick where we go?

ANNAMIEKA Our process is a little more in depth than that. At the end of the day we’re “fantasists” of alternative travel. We delve carefully into our clients’ psyche. Find out what makes you tick. What are your passions? Next, we zero in on categories you’ll be asked to rank from most important to least important, like “Sun & Sand”, “Recreational”, “Educational” or “Partying.”

Spence shoots Langley and Derek a playful look.

16.

SPENCE Don’t get any ideas now.

ANNAMIEKA Then our team of dedicated trip planners get to work, turning up the volume of possibilities --

Viv raises her hand. Annamieka motions to her.

ANNAMIEKA (CONT’D) Please, I’m here to answer any questions.

VIV There’s six of us. And it’s a pretty mixed bag...

She regards the others at the table. Isn’t it obvious?

VIV (CONT’D) I mean, I prefer more restrained vacations. Spence and Elise are a little all over the place.

Spence and Elise don’t take offense.

VIV (CONT’D) Kenny seems to like dorky things.

Kenny nods, unperturbed.

VIV (CONT’D) Derek has a lot of confidence in himself, more than most boys his age are supposed to have, which means he’s probably matured at a faster rate and is ready to be out there meeting members of the opposite sex, trying more adult things.

Derek is cool with that assessment. Parents not as much.

VIV (CONT’D) And Langley? Frankly doesn’t know what she wants in life.

Annoyed, Langley mouths: “Mom?!”

VIV (CONT’D) How’s this algorithm going to fit everyone’s varying interests?

Annamieka nods.

17.

ANNAMIEKA That’s a good point. As a larger group with diversity in age and vacation preferences, the trip may not be as personalized as it might be for say, an individual or couple. But we planned for such scenarios to be a balanced smorgasbord of adventure. It’s about finding that perfect alchemy.

ELISE Like the sound of that.

ANNAMIEKA In pre-enrollment, you also elected to take advantage of our “travel guide” option which opens up a whole other realm of exciting possibilities.

Viv glances oddly at Spence and Elise.

VIV We did?

ELISE It’s like a more hands on tour guide, we thought it would make things more authentic. Really grab the moments.

Elise makes a clutching motion.

ANNAMIEKA And it will. With our travel guide companion by your side, you’ll feel like a local as you dive deeper into new cultures and totally immerse yourself. Whether that be a remote beach town, a bustling city, or one of our more rugged offerings.

Mind going a mile a minute --

VIV When do we find out where you’re sending us?

Annamieka rubs her hands together.

ANNAMIEKA The day of departure. That key detail remains a mystery until you reach the airport.

Viv is taken aback.

18.

VIV Day of departure? Okay this might be a little too much of a novelty for my taste. Trust me, you guys will have more fun without me.

Viv jerks up from her seat, starts to go. Spence and Elise are disappointed. Kenny seems to understand. Derek doesn’t care either way.

LANGLEY Mom, wait --

Langley follows her out into the hall.

INT. DESTINATION UNKNOWN - HALLWAY

Viv stops, turns around.

VIV This just isn’t for me. What do you want me to tell you? You’re free to go with the Petersons yourself, I’ll pay for everything.

LANGLEY That’s not what this trip is about.

VIV You know I have a generalized anxiety disorder. And I’m a planner.

Langley balks.

LANGLEY I never ask you for anything. I’ve been a latchkey kid my whole life --

Viv laughs.

VIV Oh please, you weren’t a latchkey kid.

LANGLEY I’m the definition of a latchkey kid. You’re barely home, you work all the time. Go to events at night --

VIV I’ve been a single mother, struggling to raise a daughter while having a career.

19.

LANGLEY That was your choice. You never wanted to get married.

Viv puts her pointer finger up.

VIV You’re treading dangerous anti-feminist territory right now. I suggest you stop.

LANGLEY I’m just saying, I’d like to have some mother-daughter bonding time.

VIV We can do high tea at Lady Mendl’s.

LANGLEY No, this was about having a family vacation. We haven’t had a real one in I don’t know when. Kenny and Derek are the only cousins I have. They seem okay. Uncle Spence and Aunt Elise are a little much but mean well.

Viv puts her hands on her hips.

VIV So if I go through with this, you’ll stop harboring resentment towards me, you won’t write some college essay dragging me into the mud or post a Mommy Dearest sob story on one of those online publishing platforms?

LANGLEY Promise.

Viv takes a breath.

VIV Six days, seven nights. I’ll endure.

Off Langley, mission accomplished.

CUT TO:

INT. DESTINATION UNKNOWN - A SERIES OF DISSOLVES

The Family fills out lengthy questionnaire forms on their tablet screens, swiping through each stage of the interview process.

20.

They check boxes, answering different prompts like:

When I travel I prefer... action, culture, relaxation. My hobbies interests ranked in order. Shopping. Parks & Nature. Outdoor Sports. As results are processed.

WIPE CUT TO:

INT. DESTINATION UNKNOWN - CLIENT ROOM - SOON AFTER

Annamieka stands before them, Vanna White perfect smile.

ANNAMIEKA The last stage of our evaluation is complete. I look forward to sharing your destination results when you open your sealed envelope at the airport in just a few days.

ELISE That means no sneaky peeky from anyone.

Spence glances around the room.

SPENCE So, we just go home now?

Annamieka smiles.

ANNAMIEKA And wait. That’s our registration, you’re all set. You’ll receive the full weather report on the eve of your departure date with suggestions on what to pack but that’s the only information you’ll be given until right before take off.

ELISE No matter where we’re sent, we’re all going to have the best time. I really believe it.

Spence, Elise and Kenny drum beat the table.

ALL THREE ‘Cause we may not have it all together but together we have it all!

Derek looks embarrassed. Off Viv, in too deep.

21.

INT. EMPIRE DINER - LATER

The Petersons kick back in a corner booth together, next to a window where the city outside pulses with life.

SPENCE Guys this is so exciting. I think Viv is really starting to come around.

Elise touches his hand.

ELISE I’m so happy for you. I know reconnecting with your sister was one of your positive imaging goals this year.

KENNY I thought we were taking this trip because of Derek.

Derek glares back at Kenny.

DEREK Do you want your ass beat?

KENNY No, not especially.

SPENCE It’s true, one of the reason’s why we’re taking this trip is because Derek’s coach gave us a little more time before his next drug test so he can officially join the Junior Tour.

KENNY (innocently) ‘Cause they don’t want pot heads playing golf?

Derek kicks Kenny under the table. Ouch.

ELISE Derek isn’t a pot head. He just had a little substance misuse after Homecoming.

Spence nods.

SPENCE A one-time experimental phase that he’s since moved past so he can breeze through his next drug test with flying colors.

22.

DEREK Are you serious? It’s just weed.

ELISE Which we consider to be a gateway drug.

DEREK What is this the year 2000? Ever heard of progress? It’s legal in twenty-four states.

SPENCE Not if you’re under 21, señor.

DEREK I’m under a lot of pressure, right now. I’m a high-achieving teenager. Pot relaxes me. All the stress between golf and school, the rate I’m going I could keel over and die of a heart attack by the time I’m your age.

KENNY Don’t worry, I’m going to make us all bionic as we grow older. With the Thiel Fellowship, I’ll be able to research ways to add robot parts to your bodies so you can last forever.

Elise touches her heart.

ELISE Oh Kenny, that’s so sweet.

Derek lobs a packet of sugar in Kenny’s face. He winces.

DEREK Can you be any more of a dweeb?

KENNY Hey! That’s not very nice.

Spence forces a tight smile.

SPENCE Come on, knock it off guys.

ELISE Dad’s right. You never know who might be watching...

Spence and Elise scan the diner as if someone could recognize them and realize they’re not the perfect family they want everyone to believe they’re on social media.

23.

INT. UNDISCLOSED LOCATION - (SOMEWHERE IN THE DARIEN GAP)

Drapes closed. Sunlight flickers into a room, revealing a pile of crumpled clothes balled up on the floor.

A disposable cell phone rings next to a grubby mattress. As a tough, calloused hand reaches for it.

INSERT: A mouth speaks into the phone.

MAN’S VOICE Yes?

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. DESTINATION UNKNOWN HQ - SIMULTANEOUS

Annamieka stands at the window on her headset, admiring the Central Park views. Steaming cup of tea in hand.

ANNAMIEKA It’s Annamieka.

The Unknown Male sits up, face concealed by dark shadows.

UNKNOWN MALE What is it?

ANNAMIEKA We had a family sign up. Their results were interesting. I thought you would be the ideal tour companion for this trip.

UNKNOWN MALE I told you before, I’m not the guy for this line of work.

ANNAMIEKA No, you’re exactly who I need.

UNKNOWN MALE It’s not a good time. I’m kind of in the middle of something.

ANNAMIEKA Of course you’ll be compensated nicely. I’m even open to offering you equity this time. You know you could use the money.

A thinking beat.

UNKNOWN MALE Gimme the intel.

24.

ANNAMIEKA They’re a family of six. Single mom and her daughter. An uncle, his wife and two sons. Good social media presence, could help spread the word about the company.

A long silence. Then, finally:

UNKNOWN MALE This is the last time.

Annamieka smiles broadly.

ANNAMIEKA Excellent. Where are you?

UNKNOWN MALE It’s classified.

An expected response.

ANNAMIEKA Of course it is, I just sent you the itinerary. Can you make it to the first location in forty-eight hours?

He opens the message on his phone, scans it over.

UNKNOWN MALE You know I can.

The call abruptly cuts out.

INT. LUXURY PENTHOUSE - NIGHT

Langley checks her iPad, receives an e-mail which reveals the weather forecast for their mystery destination.

LANGLEY Got our first e-mail from the travel company with the recommended items to pack. Looks like mild to warm weather.

Viv opens the same e-mail on her phone, reads:

VIV They’re suggesting a bathing suit. Hiking boots. Wet weather gear as a must. That’s pretty broad.

25.

LANGLEY We all meet at JFK, ten-thirty am. The envelope is delivered to Uncle Spence’s house in the morning but no one’s supposed to open it until everyone arrives at the airport.

Viv shrugs.

VIV At this point, I’ll just roll with the punches.

LANGLEY We have to embrace the element of surprise. It’s the excitement of not knowing until the very last second.

Viv forces a smile. Off Langley’s grin of satisfaction.

INT. JFK INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT - DAY

Bags checked, carry-ons in hand. The Family weaves through a gaggle of tourists and travelers.

SPENCE Whole gang’s here! So glad you could talk some sense into your mother, Langley.

LANGLEY Wasn’t easy.

VIV I have some time off.

DEREK (under his breath) We heard.

Elise holds a sealed envelope in her hands. A short-lens camera dangles around her neck.

ELISE Now that we’re all here we can open the envelope and find out where we’re headed.

They watch wide-eyed as different airport destinations flicker on the departure board.

SPENCE It’s like Departure Roulette! What do you guys think? Any predictions?

26.

Viv grips the envelope in her hand. Face anxious, anticipation gnawing at her.

VIV I’m hoping for a hot tub, champagne in hand looking out at the peak of Mont Blanc in a luxurious cosy mountain hut with fur throws and a roaring fire.

ELISE That does sound nice.

KENNY Or snorkeling on a protected reef with tropical fish, manta rays and turtles!

ELISE I think Viv should have the honors.

Elise hands the envelope over to Viv. She takes it.

SPENCE Let’s do a countdown.

VIV I don’t know if that’s necessary --

Everyone (except for Viv and Derek) starts counting down.

MOSTLY EVERYONE One!

BEAT.

MOSTLY EVERYONE (CONT’D) Two!

Viv has her fingers crossed.

MOSTLY EVERYONE (CONT’D) Three!

Viv tears open the envelope. Langley checks the results --

LANGLEY The first leg of our trip is... Rio!

Kenny jumps for joy.

KENNY We’re going to Rio!

Langley reads the rest of the message on the card.

27.

LANGLEY And our travel guide companion will meet us there.

SPENCE Brazil?! Oh, man we lucked out.

On Viv, not so sure.

VIV Does our travel guide companion have a name?

Langley double checks.

LANGLEY Nope. Just that they’ll meet us there.

SPENCE Remember the mysteries don’t just end when we arrive at our destination.

Derek glances wide-eyed at the departure screen.

DEREK News flash, our flight departs in ten minutes.

ELISE Then we better get a move on it.

They all hurry off. Except --

VIV (to no one in particular) What the hell have I gotten myself into?

Langley glances back, motions her onward.

LANGLEY Mom, come on!

Viv relents, follows after the others.

PRE-BOARDING ANNOUNCEMENT This is the final boarding call for passengers Vivienne and Langley Stone, as well as the Peterson Family.

They start running through the airport.

MUSIC PUMPS:

28.

A 747 lifts off. Katy Perry’s cover of the B-52’s Roam (which may or may not exist) takes us into the skies.

INT. 747 PASSENGER PLANE

Viv gazes emptily out the window. Earplugs in. The Petersons and Langley are making the most of the flight (playing mini-board games, cards, Catchphrase, etc.).

The plane sweeps past the giant Jesus statue, touching down from the clouds. A “RIO” GEOFILTER OVERLAY pops up.

INT. RIO INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT, BAGGAGE CLAIM - DAY

An Afro-Brazilian SAMBA GROUP beat drums, welcoming travelers.

The Family gathers their bags from the luggage carousel. Nearby, a diminutive BRAZILIAN MAN stands near the exit doors with a sign, “Welcome to Rio, Petersons/Stones.” Spence sees him.

SPENCE Oh, look that must be our driver here to take us to the hotel.

Viv pulls out her phone.

VIV Which hotel?

ELISE They didn’t say.

VIV Of course. Guess it’s still a “mystery.”

Spence goes up to the Shuttle Driver.

SPENCE Hi, we’re the Petersons with my sister Viv and niece Langley along for the ride down here in South o’ Merica.

SHUTTLE DRIVER Yes. Please, come.

He waves them on.

SPENCE Welcome to Samba City, folks. Let’s do this.

29.

Spence flashes his eyebrows conspiratorially, guiding everyone out through sliding doors.

EXT. ARRIVAL TERMINAL - CONTINUOUS

Shots of a stunning urban panorama. Sugar Loaf Mountain looming in the distance. The Family packs into a sleek SHUTTLE VAN.

EXT./INT. SHUTTLE VAN - RIO, VARIOUS SHOTS - TRAVELING

RIO by Duran Duran on full blast. The Driver guides us through colorful streets, twisty roadways gazing out over sunbathers relaxing on beaches and bars pulsating with celebrating soccer/football fans.

INT. COPACABANA PALACE HOTEL - ESTABLISHING

A sparkling architectural masterpiece. The Shuttle Van pulls up into a motor court. The Family gets out.

SPENCE Wowza, we are in for a treat.

The Shuttle Driver opens the back and helps everyone with their bags. Elise smiles euphorically at this gem.

ELISE Mystery solved. It’s so regal.

Spence tips the Driver. Everyone stares up in awe.

VIV Now this I could get used to.

LANGLEY (beyond belief) The hotel is amazing.

Langley takes her phone out, snaps a selfie in front of the grand entrance.

Then suddenly an UNMARKED VAN pulls up to the curb. A GROUP OF MASKED MAN jump out and surround the family. Spence and Elise take notice.

SPENCE What’s up with these guys?

ELISE Are those carnival masks?

30.

Viv doesn’t notice until a MASKED MAN sticks a close- range pistol against the small of her back. Her heart skips a beat.

MASKED MAN Everyone shut up. Do as we say and no one has to get hurt.

The Family freezes. Viv glances over as Langley and the Petersons voluntarily have their arms tied behind their backs with hoods placed over their heads.

SPENCE Okay, okay. Everyone stay calm. He said no one has to get hurt.

The Unmarked Van’s doors slide open, they’re forced in.

ELISE (nervous) If we do as they say.

Viv SCREAMS, tries to resist but is strong armed.

VIV We can’t go with them! This kind of thing never ends well. If we’re not killed, we’re at least losing a couple fingers and even a toe. They’ll stuff em’ in envelopes and send them in the mail to everyone we know!

LANGLEY Mom, don’t do anything crazy.

Viv is shoved in. She almost loses a heel.

VIV Watch the Givenchy!

INT./EXT. UNMARKED VAN - CONTINUOUS

The Unmarked Van fishtails out of the motor court. An envelope is tossed out of the driver’s side window.

EXT. COPACABANA PALACE HOTEL - MOTOR COURT

The Shuttle Driver picks it up off the ground, opens and reads the card. A look of confusion crosses his face.

31.

INT. UNMARKED VAN - TRAVELING - MINUTES LATER

A bumpy ride on the outskirts of town. The Family is huddled together in the back, strapped into their seats.

ELISE Spence! I think we’re being abducted.

VIV No, we have been abducted.

Derek throws back his head.

DEREK This sucks!

KENNY Guess my homework’s gonna be late.

Viv holds Langley’s hand.

VIV Baby, we’ll get through this.

The Van steers onto a winding roadway, makes a sharp turn, almost flies off the edge.

SPENCE (hushed) We can reason with them. I watched a whole special on hostage negotiation that was running on History Channel when I came down with the flu.

The Driver keeps his eyes steady on the road. The Kids seem scared.

SPENCE (CONT’D) We have to be active listeners, empathize with where they’re coming from, establish a friendly rapport -- (calls out to the Driver) Sir, you’re probably just trying to support your family. The job market is tough out there, I should know, I’m a head hunter --

The Driver glances in the rearview. Spence back tracks.

SPENCE (CONT’D) Not a head hunter in the Cartel sense or whatever line of work you might be involved in, no judgements. (MORE)

32.

SPENCE (CONT’D) I don’t actually take people’s heads off. I’m a CPA recruiter.

On Viv, this is painful. The Driver says nothing.

ELISE -- Okay, I have something to say that might explain this.

All eyes turn to Elise. Viv raises an eyebrow.

VIV And what would that be?

ELISE When I was filling out my form during the evaluation, I did a write-in for the question “what would you want on your trip that you normally wouldn’t admit?”

Spence tenses.

SPENCE Honey, what did you write?

Elise gulps.

ELISE That I’d like a little bit of... danger.

FLASH - Elise types, “a little bit of danger” into the questionnaire on her tablet screen.

SPENCE (shocked) Why would you do that?!

ELISE I don’t know, Spence! This trip was supposed to be all about getting us outside of our comfort zone.

KENNY And biding more time for Derek.

Derek elbows Kenny.

SPENCE How could you put our kids’ lives at risk?!

ELISE It was a momentary lapse of judgement!

33.

Viv contemplates.

VIV So this could be part of the mystery?

LANGLEY Or it might not be and we’re actually being kidnapped.

DEREK Either way shit just got real.

EXT. MOUNTAINOUS LOCATION - MINUTES LATER

The Van pulls to a stop. The Masked Men get out. The doors open. The Family is slumped inside, hands gaffer- taped behind their backs.

MASKED MAN Everyone out.

With hoods over their heads, they’re herded out of the van down a shadowy path into a time-battered hangar:

INT. ABANDONED HANGAR - DAY

The Family files in, tape cut loose. A MAN IN THE SHADOWS is smoking a Cuban cigar. Wears high boots and an open collar shirt, looks like one of those pulp magazine guys.

A familiar voice --

MAN IN THE SHADOWS You can untie them now.

The Masked Men do. Everyone seems shaken but okay. Viv stands protectively in front of Langley.

VIV Who are you?

She squints. He stares at them with a steady gaze.

ROBSON Name’s Robson Dunn.

SPENCE (amazed) Wait a second, THE Robson “Danger Man” Dunn?!

34.

ROBSON “DANGER MAN” DUNN, steps into the light, tall, broad, square-jawed and stupidly good-looking. Guys want to be him, girls want to be under him. Could give Bear Grylls a run for his money.

ROBSON At your service.

He smiles, extends his hand. Viv looks at him funny.

VIV At our service?

Viv turns to Spence and Elise, confused.

SPENCE He’s a famous adventurist, the Patron Saint of Adventure Travel!

Robson listens, intrigued.

ROBSON I wouldn’t call myself famous per se. But I am known for being a bit spry and deadly when I need to be.

VIV Did you negotiate with our kidnappers?

ROBSON Negotiate? Oh no, the kidnapping was all part of the fun.

Everyone breathes a sigh of relief, except for Viv --

VIV (incredulous) Getting kidnapped was part of the fun?!

Robson explains.

ROBSON Of course, fake kidnappings are a growing niche market. People pay hundreds of dollars for the rush they get from the genuine sense of terror it gives them.

Elise smiles guiltily. Viv glances uneasily at Robson.

VIV And how do you factor in on our trip?

ROBSON I’m your mysterious tour companion.

35.

KENNY That’s so cool!

Elise whispers to Langley.

ELISE I’d say we made out pretty well for ourselves. He’s got that ruggedly handsome thing going on. Looks strong and powerful like he could lead armies.

Spence overhears, throws her a mock-aghast look.

SPENCE Hey, watch it now.

Viv is still irked, she stares coldly at Robson.

VIV I don’t care who you are. You’re going to have a lawsuit waiting for you when I get back home.

Robson cracks a laugh.

ROBSON Good luck having your process server try to find me. I can be pretty elusive when I want to be. But there’s really no need to get all bent out of shape. That’s how mystery trip works. We tap into your secret desires. This is what you wanted.

VIV It’s NOT what I wanted. I wanted to relax on a beach. What you did was totally unacceptable.

ROBSON Face it, you took this trip because you needed to give up control. Try something new. It’s the ultimate act of letting go.

ELISE (quietly, oddly turned on) Sir, there are children listening.

ROBSON I’m here to help you have a transformational journey for your own personal growth. Test you. Put you on the path of self-discovery, self-mastery and unlock your inherent resilience.

36.

The Petersons are believers. On the other hand:

VIV I don’t care, I want out of this trip. Right now.

LANGLEY Mom, don’t you think you’re overreacting?

VIV Those men were armed with guns.

He picks up one of the guns off a metal table, points and squirts water in Viv’s face.

ROBSON Squirt guns.

He smiles. She wipes it off, not amused. Spence holds up his hand, stands between them.

SPENCE Robson, please excuse us for just one moment. Family powwow time.

The Petersons gather together with Langley. Spence motions over at Viv standing awkwardly nearby.

SPENCE (CONT’D) Come huddle up with us, Viv. You’re a part of this family too. Hear me out.

She reluctantly joins them.

VIV All I’m seeing is red flag after red flag here. I think we should cut our losses.

SPENCE Well, me? I’m a glass-is-half-full kind of guy who believes that getting there is half the fun. A motto the Petersons as a whole like to live by.

Elise claps her hands, like a call and response.

ELISE That’s correct.

SPENCE Sure being tied up and pushed into that van was intense but we’re all still here, everyone’s safe and sound.

37.

ELISE Got that right.

LANGLEY Sidebar, getting kidnapped was the biggest adrenaline rush of my life.

Elise holds her hand up.

ELISE Can I get a witness?

Viv doesn’t appreciate Langley’s disclosure.

SPENCE And we made a promise to go all in on this trip. We were sick of the same old Peterson family vacations. So, what do you say? Who’s in?

Spence puts his hand out in the middle of the huddle.

ELISE I’m in.

She places her hand over his. Then each family member follows suit, reaches in and stacks one hand atop the other. Except for Viv, who finally complies after a pleading look from Langley.

SPENCE All right! Go team, go!

They throw their hands up, turn around to face Robson.

SPENCE (CONT’D) We have come to a family agreement and we’re officially back on board this mystery trip.

ROBSON Then let’s get started.

Kenny pulls out his phone, shows everyone a TikTok video of Robson wrangling a gyrating tiger shark out of a fisher man’s net in the water with his bare hands.

KENNY Is this really you?

Robson nods.

38.

ROBSON Shark fin soup was not on the menu that day. I had to step in. I’m a conservationist at heart.

DEREK If he’s our tour guide companion, I think this trip might not actually blow.

Robson grins broadly.

ROBSON Shall we be on our way?

Elise smiles.

ELISE I unhesitatingly accept.

Viv exhales. Just goes with it.

VIV I give up.

ROBSON The only thing I ask is that you follow one golden rule --

Elise stares dreamily at him.

ELISE And what would that be?

ROBSON Expect the unexpected...

The Hangar Door lifts up to reveal an awaiting MICRO BUS.

INT./EXT. MICRO BUS, MOUNTAINOUS ROADWAY - TRAVELING

The Family and their luggage is packed in. Robson drives with Spence up in front, everyone else in the back.

SPENCE Feels like we’re in good hands, team.

Spence smiles over at Robson. Star-struck.

ROBSON Glad you’re familiar with what I do. I didn’t know I had any type of notoriety, I don’t check the internet much.

39.

DEREK Seriously? Your video went pandemic viral. You’ve gotten over 100 million views and counting.

ROBSON Guess that sounds like a good thing.

KENNY It is.

VIV Are we going back to our hotel?

ROBSON ‘Fraid not. You were never actually booked there. Would have conflicted with Langley’s desire to “see how the other half lives.”

On Langley, miffed.

LANGLEY I thought the evaluation was supposed to be confidential.

Robson shrugs.

ROBSON Maybe it was, who knows? But don’t you want to learn more about yourselves and each other?

SPENCE He’s an iconoclast, I like that.

Viv huffs, turns to her daughter:

VIV How often do you need to see how the other half lives? I took you to a soup kitchen over Thanksgiving.

LANGLEY For a photo opp with the Mayor. Everything you do is calculated.

VIV That’s completely unfair.

Robson looks back at Viv.

ROBSON You my friend, need to learn to relax.

40.

VIV Please, don’t man-splain what I have to do. And what kind of other half place will you be taking us to?

ROBSON Remember, forget the destination, we craft your adventure. Our first stop actually has to do with Derek though.

He glances up in the rearview, gives him a knowing look. On Derek, confused.

EXT. MOUNTAINOUS ROADWAY

The Micro Bus zips down a desolate two-lane road. REVEAL, a DRONE IN THE SKY is tracking them.

INT. MICRO BUS - DRIVING - SIMULTANEOUS

Robson takes note of a hand-held drone detector subtly flashing on the dashboard. As he zips down the road towards the horizon ahead.

EXT. RIO GRANDE DO SUL - VARIOUS SHOTS

A scenic drive. Southern Hemisphere cowboy country in all its rugged natural beauty.

EXT./INT. MICRO BUS - DAY

The Micro Bus pulls up to a pair of large wooden gates. Robson reaches out from the driver’s side and buzzes an intercom. The speaker squeaks.

FEMALE VOICE May I help you?

ROBSON Robson Dunn, here with a few friends.

FEMALE VOICE Robson, that’s you?! Hi, love bug! I hardly recognized your face on the monitor.

Robson reaches into his coat pocket, pulls out a cannister of colored powder, opens it and throws the contents in his face.

41.

ROBSON How about now?

He stares up at the security camera, flashes a grin.

FEMALE VOICE Much better.

Gates open. The Micro Bus rolls in.

INT. MICRO BUS - CONTINUOUS

The Family looks at Robson, confused faces.

ROBSON CJ and Hoppi are an expat couple that run this place. We met last year at the Holi Festival in New Delphi. Where if you’re not covered head to toe by the end of the day in festive colored dyes, then you must have some weird alien super skin that’s resistant to such earthly things.

Robson evil laughs, steers them inside onto a gravel driveway. Off the Family, not sure what to make of him.

The property is surrounded by craggy mountains so high they touch the clouds. A SERIES OF YURTS are outside next to a Main Lodge in the center.

VIV What is this place?

ROBSON Just a little B&B to hang our hats tonight.

SPENCE What a quaint bed and breakfast.

Spence digests the scenery. Robson realizes:

ROBSON Oh no, not a bed and breakfast --

He parks the Micro Bus.

ROBSON (CONT’D) It’s a bud and breakfast.

Elise looks at him oddly.

42.

ELISE Bud and breakfast? I don’t get it.

Everyone steps out.

ROBSON Satan’s salad. Sticky icky. Whatever the kids are calling it these days, right?

Viv pushes her sunglasses up, intrigued.

VIV I was thinking something more along the lines of a wine and cheese tasting. But after the day we’ve had...

Spence and Elise try to keep it together but are not happy about the transpiring events.

ELISE Derek, did you write-in that you wanted a vacation where you could toke up?

DEREK “Toke up?” Really Mom?

SPENCE This is putting us in an extremely awkward position as parents.

DEREK The form asked what relaxes me and I told them pot. You taught me to be honest and transparent growing up.

Elise stops dead in her tracks.

ELISE We’re not staying here. This is out of the question.

She turns back towards the Micro Bus. Derek protests.

DEREK And you say Aunt Viv is the uptight one.

Viv stiffens, stares icily at Elise.

VIV You said that about me?

43.

ELISE (defenses up) It was an off handed remark. I shouldn’t have said it.

LANGLEY Tell us how you really feel...

ELISE Viv, I know you have a lot more on your plate than I do. You’re the busy New Yorker with your avo toast and crystal- infused water. I’m the “bridge and tunnel” homemaker who does residential real estate in Short Hills with an essential oils business on the side and brings orange slices to my kids’ games.

Viv puts her hand up.

VIV Just stop. I’ve been called worse.

ROBSON Nothing to flip your wig over. Look, here come our hosts now. This is CJ and Hoppi.

An EX-PAT HIPPIE COUPLE emerge through the front doors of the Main Lodge to greet them. They wave.

CJ Greetings, fellow travelers.

CJ is an earth mother type and HOPPI has a Willie Nelson- style bandana wrapped around his head with long hair.

HOPPI Happy you made it.

CJ So glad you’re here.

CJ goes over to Robson, gives him a hug, takes his face in her hands and plants a long open mouth kiss on him. Hoppi doesn’t mind at all. The Family is weirded out.

SPENCE (to Elise, on the sly) Just so you know as much as I admire Robson, I would not be okay with you doing that.

CJ wipes colored dye off her lips, addresses everyone.

44.

CJ Who’s ready for the tour?

EXT./INT. CANNABIS B&B - SOON AFTER

CJ and Hoppi lead the group throughout the property. There’s a handful of GUESTS meditating on the grounds.

CJ We’ve got a whole host of activities for our guests. There’s yoga and meditation classes. Cooking with cannabis tutorials. Spa treatments. Then you can fandango your way to our complimentary wake and bake breakfast in the morning.

DEREK I’m game for that.

HOPPI Feel free to sample the goods. Get into it, have your kicks ya know?

Derek glances at a table stacked with a cornucopia of 420 friendly items. Like a kid in a candy store.

SPENCE That won’t be necessary.

Spence guides Derek along.

ELISE The kids will not be waking and baking at any point during our stay.

HOPPI We’re cool with that. More for us.

Hoppi picks up a glass pipe off a table with a sizable bud inside and lights it up. Inhale, exhale.

ROBSON I don’t indulge much myself but can guarantee unparalleled hospitality from these two. They call CJ the Kush Queen.

CJ The kids can hang out at the petting zoo behind the soy dairy. I baked cookies.

CJ picks up a plate of cannabis cookies, offers them to everyone. Elise stops Kenny before he can snatch one.

45.

ELISE Kids just go find this petting zoo.

They exit but not before Derek clandestinely swipes a big fat joint from the table.

VIV Might as well.

Viv reaches for a cookie, takes a bite. Crunch.

ROBSON Dig in.

She chews. Not bad. Spence and Elise each grab cookies.

INT. CANNABIS B&B, PETTING ZOO - A LITTLE LATER

A herd of llamas linger behind a wooden corral fence. Langley holds a baby chinchilla in her hand.

LANGLEY It’s so cute.

She kneels down so Kenny can pet it.

KENNY Hey little guy.

Derek is not impressed.

DEREK Looks like a rat with a fancy fur coat.

LANGLEY (triggered) Chinchillas are killed for their coats.

DEREK Guess it could be CJ and Hoppi’s side hustle if this place ever gets shut down.

LANGLEY That’s not funny, Derek.

She places the chinchilla back in its habitat with a bunch of others. Kenny slips in the pen, strokes a llama.

DEREK Enough with the kids stuff, let’s light this monster up.

Derek hands Langley the big fat joint.

46.

LANGLEY I’ll pass, I tried it once, I can’t control my intake very well.

DEREK Get off the lame train, this is about having some good old fashioned cousin bonding time. You grew up in Manhattan, don’t you guys like sip martinis and pop Xanax in middle school?

LANGLEY My life’s not Gossip Girl.

Derek shrugs, pulls out a lighter and sparks the joint.

DEREK Just watch and learn, grasshopper.

He takes a good long drag.

DEREK (CONT’D) This is some potent herb.

Derek passes the joint over.

LANGLEY Guess it’s all part of the experience.

She takes a puff. Coughs. On Derek, amateur hour. He peers over at Kenny now riding a llama in circles, makes sure he’s not in earshot. Decides to level with her:

DEREK Thing is, between you and me, I don’t even care that much about weed, I just want out of golf.

LANGLEY Are you like one of those suburban jocks who secretly has a great voice and dreams about being in the high school musical?

Derek looks at her oddly.

DEREK What? No, I want to be a mixed martial arts fighter. I like the idea of testing my physical and mental capabilities against the best.

Langley giggles. High as a kite.

47.

LANGLEY Cauliflower ears isn’t a good look.

He stares off at the stunning horizon.

DEREK I don’t know, maybe MMA isn’t the answer but everything’s moving so fast with golf. Ever feel like you just want to slow down a sec and not have to figure everything out yet?

She follows his gaze.

LANGLEY Actually I know exactly what you mean.

They share a smile.

DEREK I’m glad we’re not biologically related.

Langley gives him an odd look.

LANGLEY Wait. We’re not?

DEREK You didn’t know Spence legally adopted me when he married my Mom?

On Langley, out of left field.

LANGLEY No, I was never told that.

DEREK So it means I can do this.

They lock eyes, he leans in for a kiss. Kenny catches this, his eyes go wide.

KENNY You guys are kissing! You’re kissing cousins!

On Langley and Derek, way to ruin the moment.

EXT. MAIN LODGE - SCENIC VERANDA - SOON AFTER

The Adults and other Guests gather with CJ and Hoppi in a ring of large high-backed vintage fan chairs.

48.

CJ We’re so glad you could all join us for four-twenty happy hour. This is a special place and we like to fill it with special people like all of you.

A huge grin appears on Elise’s face, pupils dilated.

ELISE My husband is a very, very special guy.

On Spence, not sure where she’s going with this.

SPENCE Thanks honey.

ELISE So special in fact that whenever we go to an Italian restaurant. He orders in an Italian accent.

VIV I would find that irritating.

ROBSON (to Spence, coyly) Your wife is baked.

SPENCE (quietly) Appears so.

Elise gets louder, more animated.

ELISE He doesn’t fool the waiters. No one ever falls for it and we just look like the biggest jack asses!

CJ listens, concerned as she packs a bowl.

CJ Spousal embarrassment is a real problem in many households. I was a marriage counselor before I walked away from it all to start this place with Hoppi.

ELISE Even worse are his “dad dancing” moves.

Spence GASPS. Elise leaps up, does awkward variations of the Pony, the Waka Waka and the Roger Rabbit.

49.

SPENCE (mortified) Honey, so nice that you could share this with everyone. I didn’t realize I was going to be roasted today.

She bends down, reaches for another cookie on the table.

VIV Maybe you should take a break.

Viv gently pulls her hand away. Elise glances around at everyone, paranoia creeping in.

ELISE This is why I never smoke pot! I just start babbling and can’t stop!

CJ Get it off your chest. You’ve entered the Circle of Truth.

Robson’s SAT Phone buzzes in his pocket. He checks it.

ROBSON Excuse me a moment.

Robson stands up, steps down from the veranda, rounds a corner and accepts an incoming FaceTime call.

INT. TRENDY RESTAURANT, MANHATTAN - INTERCUT

Annamieka sits in an intimate booth with her BOYFRIEND, a part-time underwear model. She holds up her phone.

ANNAMIEKA (to Robson) How’s everything going so far?

ROBSON The first couple mysteries have made an impression. But the Petersons are starting to turn on each other.

ANNAMIEKA I knew they weren’t as wholesome as they appeared. And Viv? Does she seem like she’s having a good time?

ROBSON She’s a bit of a tough nut to crack.

50.

ANNAMIEKA Well, get the sledgehammer out because she’s just the right connector we need to reach this company’s tipping point.

ROBSON Or have it filing for Chapter Eleven.

ANNAMIEKA Viv is our hype machine if we play our cards right. We’re already operating at a loss. I’m in this to win it.

The Boyfriend glances up from his dessert menu. He points an item out. She glances over her phone, shakes her head.

ANNAMIEKA (CONT’D) (to her Boyfriend) No, we’re not ordering a dessert.

Robson hears.

ROBSON What was that?

ANNAMIEKA (to Robson ) Nothing.

ROBSON Listen, I did mean to tell you, I was a insulted you sent a drone to follow us. Like you don’t trust me to handle this.

Annamieka frowns, confused.

ANNAMIEKA I never sent a drone, just have the personal locator beacon as a back-up. I was confident your “very particular set of skills” would be enough for this type of situation.

The admission makes Robson uneasy.

ROBSON Let’s touch base later.

ANNAMIEKA For now, keep the mysteries coming.

Call ends.

51.

INT. CANNABIS B&B - KITCHEN - LATER

Elise stumbles in, ambles over to Spence who is stress- eating mac and cheese nachos.

ELISE The effects of the cookies are fading.

SPENCE (under his breath) Thank God.

Her eyes widen.

ELISE What did you make? That looks so good.

SPENCE Mac and cheese nachos.

ELISE I didn’t know there was such a thing.

She scoops up a dripping nacho, tilts her head under it, drops it in her mouth, and gobbles it down.

SPENCE I’m going to make it a thing. This place is stocked to the gills with stoner food. Feels like Junior Year when we shared a two bedroom apartment with that guy who wore the same Baja sweater the whole semester. What was his name?

Elise thinks about it.

ELISE Yoda Dank.

Spence snorts a laugh at the memory.

SPENCE That’s right. He legally had his name changed to Yoda Dank.

ELISE Did you forget how he moved out, stiffed us on rent and stole all our furniture? And then we found out he was never actually enrolled as a student.

SPENCE That was such a betrayal. Sort of like out there during four-twenty happy hour.

52.

She pinches his cheeks.

ELISE (baby talk) Oh, someone’s being a little sensitive.

SPENCE You threw me under the bus in front of all those people. Maybe our marriage isn’t as strong as I thought.

ELISE Don’t say that.

Spence rolls his eyes.

SPENCE I’m sorry I can’t be more like Robson “Danger Man” Dunn.

ELISE You’re the one that practically declared yourself his biggest fan!

SPENCE You have to make it up to me.

He gives her a suggestive look. Kenny walks in.

KENNY Mom, Derek is making out with Langley.

Elise quickly jumps off Spence’s lap.

VIV (O.S.) What?

Just as Viv enters. Last thing anyone was expecting to hear. Derek and Langley follow in after him.

DEREK He is such a Narc.

Derek dead arm punches Kenny, who makes a pained face but then smiles mischievously because he kind of likes it.

LANGLEY It was barely a peck. And Derek and I are not even related so what’s the big deal, right? It’s not like I kissed Kenny that would’ve been pedo and incestuous.

Viv shoots a glance at Spence.

53.

VIV Wait, how is Derek not related to Langley but Kenny is?

Spence levels with her. A sensitive topic.

SPENCE After college, Elise and I took some time apart. She had a one night stand. We got married shortly afterwards.

DEREK Wait, hold up. I was the product of a one night stand? Mom, you said my biological father just wasn’t ready to commit so you took Spence back.

Everyone looks to Elise for answers. She comes clean.

ELISE He was a man that Spence and I had shared an apartment with our Junior Year.

Spence gapes.

SPENCE Wait, what?! You mean, Yoda Dank?!

Elise nods, regretfully.

ELISE I ran into him after graduation and he apologized for stealing all our stuff. I was in a dark place, I had lost out on that photojournalism fellowship.

Spence throws his hands up.

SPENCE Well, this is just great!

ELISE I made one mistake! I’ve been like a Mormon housewife to you ever since!

KENNY We’re not Mormon.

ELISE The point is your father never supported my photography.

SPENCE That is not true.

54.

ELISE Yeah, it is. And I was really good!

Spence bristles, defensive. Derek processes this.

DEREK My real Dad’s name was Yoda Dank?

ELISE That’s what he had everyone call him.

Spence laughs pathetically, starts to crack.

SPENCE This really doesn’t bode well for our rep, does it? Guess we’re not the Perfect Petersons after all!

DEREK (deadpan) Seriously.

Viv and Langley look at them compassionately.

VIV No one’s asking you to be perfect.

Langley nods.

LANGLEY My Mom and I are the furthest thing from perfect but we make it work. Biological or not, we’re all family here.

KENNY Langley’s right.

He stands next to her, reaches up and holds her hand. Spence can’t help but not feel touched.

SPENCE Thanks guys. I know I might get a little too carried away with all the bells and whistles but this family is the most important thing in my life. (direct) And Viv, we’re so glad you and Langley are now officially active members.

Viv smiles genuine. Robson slips inside, addresses all.

ROBSON I couldn’t help but overhear since I was standing right outside the door. (MORE)

55.

ROBSON (CONT’D) Now I know we’ve all had a long day so I’d like to suggest CJ’s house specialty for the adults to help get our mojo back. It’s the full-treatment, you in?

They shrug.

INT. SUBTERRANEAN SPA - SOON AFTER

The Adults lay face down on massage tables in green robes. CJ rubs cannabis oil on each of their necks.

CJ I’m a licensed herbalist focused on wellness and enjoyment.

Everyone smiles with a sense of awe.

CJ (V.O) (CONT’D) I like to experiment with the marijuana plant in the same way I would other botanicals. It’s part of the human potential movement I’ve started to raise our cosmic consciousness...

TIME CUTS. Viv and Elise receive marijuana-infused manicures, along with hemp facials.

Spence and Elise talk animatedly, asking Robson a series of rapid fire questions as they all soak in individual hash baths.

SPENCE How many times have you swam the English Channel?

ROBSON Twice. To France and back to England.

ELISE Ever climb mount Everest?

Robson nods, like you have to ask?

ROBSON I made it a point to climb the highest mountains of every continent before I turned thirty.

SPENCE Favorite thing to do on a lazy Sunday?

Robson thinks about it.

56.

ROBSON Free diving an underwater cave with my mum, if she’s not too hung over from the night before.

SPENCE Color me impressed, this guy gets around!

They high five. Off Viv, slowly starting to warm up.

EXT. MAIN LODGE - ROOF TOP - NIGHT

Derek and Langley finish off the mac and cheese nachos.

DEREK What a shit show in there. Guess it’s not everyday you find out your entire life has been one big lie.

LANGLEY There’s worse things in life than having your biological father turn out to be named Yoda Dank.

Derek thinks about it.

DEREK I guess. This whole time, maybe I was trying to connect with him through weed since he apparently was a huge pot head.

LANGLEY Maybe, but Spence loves you.

DEREK I know. He’s the only father I’ve ever known. He means well despite some of the dweebish things he does.

LANGLEY And we should probably forget about what happened earlier.

DEREK Yeah, I’m kind of getting used to the extended family thing. Don’t want to make it awkward later if you guys start coming around on holidays and stuff.

LANGLEY I agree.

He holds out his fist. She bumps it.

57.

EXT. CANNABIS B&B - GROUNDS - LATER

A lot on his mind, Robson heads towards his Private Yurt. Viv sees him and goes over.

VIV Hey Robson -- Danger Man, whatever I’m supposed to call you.

He stops, turns to face her. A friendly enough smile.

ROBSON Just Robson’s fine.

She folds her arms.

VIV I’m willing to get past the whole fake kidnapping incident. But I want to make sure that nothing else on your mysterious travel itinerary is going to put my daughter in any kind of danger.

ROBSON I assure you, you have nothing to worry about. This is what I do. It’s all I do.

A hint of regret in his voice.

VIV I can’t help it. The trip is pretty unconventional to say the least.

Defenses down. He studies her face, sussing her out.

ROBSON You don’t enjoy outside the box experiences, do you?

VIV Not when it comes to my daughter. She’s the only thing I have left in this world.

Robson raises an eyebrow.

ROBSON Thought you were some really important book executive? Read in your file that they say you have the “biggest dick in publishing.”

Viv smiles wistfully, flattered at the mention.

58.

VIV I did. (corrects herself) I mean, I do. It’s complicated.

ROBSON I’m willing to start over. If you are.

He extends her hand. She takes it, thaws her demeanor.

VIV Why not? But I’d still like to know more about you. Since we’re in your hands for the rest of this trip.

They walk and talk.

ROBSON I’m an open book. What do you need to know?

VIV Let’s start with your credentials.

ROBSON Credentials? Jeez, let’s see, I’m a high- sensation seeker into mild to wild experiences, a licensed bush pilot accustomed to the world’s most dangerous places, including spending three weeks living inside an active volcano. I don’t accept the status quo and never take my eyes off an opponent to blink.

Viv eyes him suspiciously.

VIV Good to know.

ROBSON As much as you resist, I think deep down inside you needed this trip. You live your life on a leash and that just wasn’t cutting it anymore. You were craving something deeper.

On Viv, offended.

VIV You’re being a bit presumptuous. And for your information, I don’t, “live my life on a leash.”

59.

ROBSON Well, you wanted to be taken out of your element that’s for sure. I can tell you’ve never been a risk taker.

VIV For your information you’re not the only Type T around here.

He looks at her funny.

ROBSON Type T? I don’t get it.

VIV Type T is a term to describe risk takers. T stands for “thrill.” There’s different types. T-physical is used to denote physical adventurers like yourself. Me on the other hand? I’m T-Mental.

ROBSON Sounds about right.

VIV No, it means I’m an intellectual risk taker. I think about really risky things and then opt against doing them.

ROBSON I rest my case. In my opinion, you’re completely out of your depth on this trip and it scares you not to be in control.

VIV Oh yeah? Try me. As far as I know, you could be all talk.

Robson lifts an eyebrow.

ROBSON Is that a challenge?

VIV Yeah, let’s see what ya got. I can handle anything you throw at me on this trip as long as Langley ends it without a single scratch on her body.

Viv stares back at him, like all bets are off.

ROBSON Fair enough. We rise at first light.

60.

He leaves her side. She calls after him.

VIV Then I’ll see you at first light!

Off Viv, cautiously curious to know more about him.

INT. PRIVATE YURT - LATER

Robson opens his duffel bag, double checks his drone detector. No signal. Then, he pulls out a tiny EARTHENWARE FIGURINE, holds it up to the moonlight.

ROBSON You my friend are causing an awful lot of problems for me, aren’t you?

On Robson, an enigmatic smile with a hint that this peculiar relic could be much more than meets the eye.

HOPPI (O.S.) That he is.

Hoppi clandestinely slips in, alongside CJ who holds an antique wooden puzzle box.

CJ Glad you tracked it down.

Robson hands it over.

ROBSON The Darién Gap is always nice this time a year, if you can put up with the disagreeable wildlife, drug traffickers, dangerous paramilitary groups and no marked trails.

CJ We’re lucky you didn’t lose your head.

To Robson’s horror, CJ twists off the figurine’s head.

ROBSON I thought you said it was priceless.

CJ Not as much as what’s inside.

CJ lifts the head to reveal a key that runs down its spine which she uses to unlock the puzzle box that shifts to reveal a hidden compartment inside.

61.

HOPPI Pretty nifty, huh?

ROBSON Valverde’s Cryptex.

She takes out a slip of paper etched in code.

CJ Which comes with a message. Know you’re particularly close with a certain cruciverbalist who’d be perfect for solving it. It’s yours to take with you as long as we get our cut.

ROBSON This has been a collaborative effort from the start.

HOPPI We still love the thrill of the chase but frankly as the saying goes, “we’re gettin’ too old for this shit.”

CJ locks the map back up. They hand it over to him. A tacit understanding between them.

EXT. ULTRA-LUX BEACH FRONT HOME - SAO PAOLO

A RED FERRARI pulls into a driveway perched high above the sands with jaw dropping views of the beach.

JASPER JIGGENS gets out, son of a billionaire industrialist and an unabashed hedonist. ARM CANDY in a red dress steps out of the passenger side door.

EXT./INT. ULTRA-LUX BEACH FRONT HOME - CONTINUOUS

Jasper strides through a bumping party of mostly uninhibited beautiful women. Arm Candy by his side.

ARM CANDY I go swim now.

Jasper nods, sure whatever. Arm Candy removes her dress, bikini underneath and joins her friends in the pool.

CHRISTOPHER, 20s, Jasper’s personal assistant, joins his side with a tablet in hand, a former frat boy who thinks this is the coolest job ever.

62.

CHRISTOPHER How are you settling in, sir?

Jasper lights a cigar, picks up a scotch from the BARTENDER, but not before he adds a twist of orange.

JASPER Brazil is definitely a good place to hang my hat as I sort out my legal troubles while still connecting with my 50 million followers on Instagram who live vicariously through my account since they’ll never be able to attain the lifestyle I’ve achieved through my inheritance.

He takes out his phone, snaps a selfie that strategically captures a bevy of buxom women in the background.

CHRISTOPHER Still don’t understand why “pump-and- dump” is illegal. I did it all the time in college.

JASPER Because I’m a target, Christopher. Jiggens men are an esteemed pedigree who have always been the source of jealousy and envy. Now what have you found out about my former bestie, Mr. Danger Man?

Christopher passes him a tablet which displays several drone-cam images.

CHRISTOPHER Seems he’s traveling with a family.

Jasper swipes through drone-cam images on screen, showing the Micro Bus on the road below.

JASPER I wasn’t aware he had one. Being a full- time adventurer and all.

CHRISTOPHER Not his own, appears he’s acting as some sort of bespoke tour instructor to them. They call it a “mystery trip.”

Jasper draws a dramatic breath.

JASPER A mystery trip? Now that sounds intriguing. (MORE)

63.

JASPER (CONT’D) I think we may have to pay a visit to Mr. Danger Man and his companions. Since I want back what he stole from me.

Jasper darkens.

CHRISTOPHER Who should I send?

JASPER Trouble makers. The kind that can start the most trouble.

Christopher types up a storm on his tablet.

CHRISTOPHER Consider it on like Donkey Kong. Added to my Google calendar tasks.

Off Jasper’s devil may care smile, ready to settle the score.

INT. MAIN YURT - CRACK OF DAWN

A shaft of sunlight cuts through early morning shadows. The Family sleeps soundly on an arrangement of cots. The flap doors fly open. Robson stomps in.

ROBSON Up and at em’, folks! The mysteries are just gettin’ started! We got a BIG day ahead of us.

Everyone reluctantly gets up. Groans. Whines. Resists.

EXT. CANNABIS B&B - MORNING

The Micro Bus takes off down the gravel driveway. CJ and Hoppi wave goodbye as the Group departs.

INT. MICRO BUS - TRAVELING

Viv is up front with Robson. Everyone’s in a good place, napping in the back or listening to devices with AirPods in. She glances over at him.

VIV So, no clues as to where we’re headed next? Can’t shed even the slightest bit of light for us?

64.

ROBSON Aren’t you the Curious Cathy?

VIV Finding out that we were going to Brazil minutes before our departure should have been enough of a Mystery Trip.

ROBSON These trips are designed for the bold ones. This is when we go loco. Thought you said you could handle anything?

VIV I can.

ROBSON We’ll see about that.

He drives on. She leans her head back. Both reluctant to address what could very well be a spark between them.

EXT. OPEN ROAD - TIME CUTS

The Micro Bus zips down stretches of winding road as magnificent scenery changes before our eyes.

EXT. MANAUS, STATE OF AMAZONAS - ESTABLISHING

The departure point for the Amazon Rainforest. Colonial architecture dabbled amidst a pocket of urban sprawl.

INT. MICRO BUS - TRAVELING

Robson drives along through gritty streets. The Family stares out the window, unsure of what to expect.

ROBSON Welcome to Manaus, the quickest way into the Amazon Jungle.

Viv’s eyes go wide with horror. The rest are ecstatic.

KENNY The Amazon really?!

Robson nods.

ROBSON Just a little sight seeing trip.

65.

ELISE Hash tag adventure seekers, our posts are gonna be flooded with engagement.

Viv deflates.

VIV You’ve got to be kidding me. How did this trip suddenly go from bad to worse?

As if all her goodwill has been flushed down the drain.

SPENCE At the end of the day we’re experience junkies and what better way to experience adventure than this, huh?!

VIV But there’s so many elements that could go wrong. This is the Amazon we’re talking about.

ROBSON Yet so many that could go right...

A shiver runs through Viv.

EXT. HELICOPTER LAUNCH PAD - DAY

Everyone goes to meet their pilot GASPAR, boisterous with a handlebar mustache, awaiting in a privately chartered helicopter. He wears a Sorry I’m Late I Didn’t Want to Come t-shirt.

VIV Oh no, nope. I hate helicopters, they’re flying coffins.

She goes white, halts. Langley links arms with her.

LANGLEY We’ll be fine.

ROBSON This is our pilot Gaspar.

GASPAR Cause it’s not gonna fly itself.

Kenny chimes in.

66.

KENNY Actually autonomous helicopters can do exactly that.

GASPAR No bot’s taking my job ‘til I’m good and ready for retirement. But don’t go getting attached, only doing this cause your friend Robson’s in the League.

VIV Like fantasy football?

GASPAR Nothing fantastical about us.

Robson explains.

ROBSON There’s a network of us, call ourselves the League of Adventurers.

VIV That doesn’t sound juvenile at all.

ROBSON We don’t pay attention much to marketing. Gaspar’s a former Solider of Fortune, someone you’d definitely want on your side when it hits the fan.

VIV Let’s make sure it doesn’t.

GASPAR We’re the ultimate sensation-seekers.

ROBSON And help each other out when we’re not having perpetual pissing contests.

Gaspar pumps up Eurodance music.

GASPAR Get in, they don’t need to know our whole life stories! Let’s blast!

Robson turns to the group.

ROBSON We can only take the essentials. Your bags and phones will be safe. Elise can bring that fancy pants camera dangling around her neck but that’s it.

67.

Elise makes a V for victory sign. Viv reluctantly hands over her bag to a MYSTERY TRIP ASSOCIATE who steps out of a BLACK SUV. They get in the helicopter.

GASPAR Welcome aboard the Flying Carpet --

Gaspar shuffles to Danger Zone on his Spotify play list as the helicopter starts chewing in the wind.

GASPAR (CONT’D) And here’s some entrance music to get you in the zone.

HARD CUT:

EXT./INT. HELICOPTER

The Group is packed inside. Sweeping aerial view of the Amazon River, lush monotonous green rainforest for days.

VIV Have you ever even been down the Amazon River before?

ROBSON Never by boat, just walked the entire length of it.

Viv’s eyes harden.

VIV Of course you did.

Langley notices. She can tell when her mom is into a guy.

EXT. SUSPENSION BRIDGE - DAY

Gung-ho (except for Viv), the Group crosses a rope bridge towards a tract of mist-shrouded cloud forest.

SPENCE Wow, sweet dreams are made of this.

They gaze ahead in wonderment. Elise snaps a picture.

LANGLEY It’s beautiful.

ROBSON You’re in for a treat. There really is no place like it.

68.

Robson stares ahead. Viv follows beside him.

VIV (clandestine) Just remember what I told you...

EXT. CLOUD FOREST - DAY

Monkeys screech. Snakes lurk in foliage. Sunlight pokes through trees with leaves the size of children. Robson slashes a machete through remote unruly jungle.

ROBSON This is the wildest corner of the Amazon basin. Which we are now one with.

He opens up his arms to their surroundings.

VIV When will Gaspar be back to pick us up?

ROBSON He’s not coming back. Not anytime soon.

VIV What do you mean?

ROBSON You my friends have just enrolled in Robson Dunn’s Survival School.

DEREK Survival School?

ROBSON You’re about to take part in a crash course covering self-rescue skills and all the basics in how to manage if you ever find yourself having to survive in remote and dangerous locales.

VIV And whose metrics decided this?

Robson slings his arm over Spence.

ROBSON That would be Spence. He wanted to learn how to ensure his family’s survival against all and any odds.

Elise looks over at Spence, heart melting.

69.

ELISE You did?

He thinks back, surprised.

SPENCE Guess I did.

INSERT: a question pops up on his tablet during orientation; what’s your biggest regret in life?

SPENCE (V.O.) That’s easy...

He types.

SPENCE (V.O.) Not having acquired the skills to ensure my family’s survival in any harrowing life or death situation.

BACK TO SCENE.

ELISE Spence, you’re a wonderful father. And an equally incredible husband.

Full of joy, she wraps her arms around his waist.

SPENCE Beside every man, an even greater woman.

VIV Why do I have a sinking feeling that I’m not going to like the repercussions of Spence’s response to that prompt?

ROBSON Viv, this trip is about having blind experiences. Being willing to do something you’ve never done before. A sleep over in the Amazon rainforest is an excellent foundation to build on for mastering the tools to get yourselves out of any predicament that may befall you.

VIV You can miss me with all that. An Amazon rain forest slumber party is just not in my crystal ball. How can we contact Gaspar to pick us up?

LANGLEY I don’t think we can.

70.

ROBSON Langley’s right. But this really is the best training ground for what Spence wants to accomplish.

Kenny hops up and down, over the moon.

KENNY We’re spending the night in the jungle?!

ROBSON Got that right. Time to level up. This is a place that demands a different type of you to come out and play.

Kenny does a pirouette.

VIV No, this is insanity. You can’t strand us in the Amazon!

They take a look around. Remote jungle in every direction. Not another soul in sight.

ELISE From the looks of it, seems to me like he already did.

ROBSON You’re correct. Gaspar dropped us off in one of the remotest sections of the Amazon. He has no intention of picking us up. We’re completely on our own.

ELISE Talk about off-the-beaten-track.

Viv clenches her jaw.

VIV Do you know how much tax payer money is wasted having to rescue stupid people doing stupid things like this?

LANGLEY You don’t pay taxes here, Mom.

KENNY I don’t pay taxes at all. I’m thirteen.

ROBSON Don’t worry, I brought pace count beads.

71.

Robson pulls a pair of ranger beads from his pocket as if this could put the skeptics’ minds at ease. It doesn’t.

EXT. RAIN FOREST - LATER

Monkeys leap from tree to tree. Robson guides the Family through a stretch of forest-covered Amazon wilderness.

SPENCE This really is the destination of a lifetime and an ecologist’s dream. True story kids, ecology is a subject Daddio once majored in during college ‘til the curriculum proved to be too difficult.

ROBSON And this is one of the few places left where you can escape the world but still be a part of it.

Elise readies her camera, walks on ahead.

ELISE National Geographic “Nature Photographer of the Year” contest here I come.

Wham! As an oversized nut drops from a cannon ball tree above, trips Elise as she stumbles back, drops her camera and tumbles down a blanket of thick moss.

KENNY Mom!

Spence and Derek rush to save Elise. She crashes down over a rock ledge and falls into the torrential AMAZON RIVER spinning wildly below.

Without a second to lose, Robson leaps into action, grabs a hanging vine and swings across the cliff face.

Elise surfaces, trying to keep her head above water amidst powerful currents of the river. Everyone’s freaking out.

ELISE I’m okay!

Robson swoops down on a floating log. Derek is impressed.

DEREK That was talent.

72.

Just then the head of a GIANT OTTER appears, ready to defend its territory. Elise sees, treading water.

ELISE Spence get my camera, cute wild life alert! He looks so sweet.

Robson keeps his balance on the log, drifting closer.

ROBSON He isn’t.

She realizes his point as the Giant Otter bears its teeth and wades through the water in predatory pursuit. Elise realizes she’s in trouble.

But then a pack of PINK RIVER DOLPHINS appear and slam into the fierce Giant Otter. Outnumbered, it retreats. They merrily circle Elise, cavorting and frolicking.

ELISE (fearful) What are they? What’s in the water?!

ROBSON They’re Amazon river dolphins. They’re defending you.

Elise is relieved. They leap and belly flop around her.

ELISE Dolphins? Wow, they’re friendly.

A Dolphin mouths her arm, another rubs up against her.

ROBSON Cheeky devils, aren’t they?

The Family watches from shore. Not sure what to think. The Dolphins swim between her legs, one after the other.

SPENCE What are they doing? Are those sexual overtures?

VIV Appears to be some courting ritual.

Elise maneuvers away from their aggressive advances.

ELISE I’m not okay with that guys.

73.

ROBSON Yep, that’s a bit too close for comfort.

Robson reaches out his hand and scoops Elise up, pulls her safely from the water onto the log. They try to stay balanced like a log-rolling contest.

ELISE This is a lot more difficult than it looks on TV.

Derek calls out from shore.

DEREK Not bad Mom, not bad.

She waves at everyone, then stares back at Robson.

ELISE Is this regressive, having you save me? I mean with all the incredible female role models out there like Gal Gadot?

ROBSON We did it together, this is a team effort. Just like men and women have done in proliferating the human race.

His gaze finds Viv on shore. As much as they may not want to admit, they seem to be growing on each other.

CUT:

BACK ON DRY LAND.

Elise makes her way to shore, sloshing in water logged boots. Everyone hurries over to her.

ELISE That was close.

Spence hugs her.

SPENCE You gave us a scare.

ELISE Guess we know what we signed up for.

VIV I didn’t sign up for this. I’m not a kamikaze traveler.

Elise brushes herself off, wipes her hands on her pants.

74.

ELISE I’m fine, Viv. We all are. Everything’s gonna be okay.

VIV Except when it’s not.

She takes a nervous sip from her water bottle.

ROBSON (O.S.) Who’s hungry?

The Family turns to find Robson, who has used a cannonball tree nut as an improvised container with a handful of chomping piranhas swimming inside.

LANGLEY (disbelief) Are those... piranhas?

Robson nods.

ROBSON It’s a local aphrodisiac.

Viv notices a gash on his shoulder.

VIV You’re bleeding.

ROBSON Had to cut a little piece of flesh off my shoulder to catch these feisty fellas...

The Family is horrified. They knew Danger Man was crazy but not that crazy.

EXT. RAIN FOREST - SOON AFTER

The Group maneuvers through dense clinging ferns and tangled vines. A towering tree looms ahead.

ROBSON Gaspar got us set up here earlier so we could all indulge in one of my favorite past times.

Viv takes careful notice of an arrangement of harnesses that hang down ominously from this massive tree.

VIV And what might that be?

75.

ROBSON Tree climbing.

The Family stares up above in nervous wonderment.

CUT TO:

In secure harnesses, the Family is hoisted above the forest canopy as they scale the tree with rope. Robson guides their ascent.

ROBSON (CONT’D) If you’re up for it we can sleep in hammocks tonight at the top. This is one of my favorite trees to get some z’s.

SPENCE To be honest, I think we might be better off sleeping on the ground tonight.

ROBSON Shame, won’t hold it against you. Still got a ways to go though. Let’s rally.

As he scales the tree, Spence’s rope drops suddenly. He reaches out with his boot, sliding down the trunk.

Spence stops abruptly. Foot crunches down on a bee hive hidden in the crevice. He doesn’t seem to notice. But Robson does.

ROBSON (CONT’D) We’ve got company.

A cloud of bees spews from their nest. Kenny, frightened.

KENNY They’re bees!

Viv’s eyes land on the swarm funneling out of the tree cavity. Everyone hurriedly scampers down.

VIV Run!

They reach the ground, throw off their harnesses, high tail it and run for their lives through a row of trees.

ROBSON Guys, you don’t have to --

The Family zigs, bees zag.

76.

ROBSON (CONT’D) Run.

Robson keeps pace behind them, bothered that the fun’s been spoiled.

He reaches into his coat pocket, produces a wad of putty- like substance in shrink wrap.

Unwraps it then swings around and hurls the wad at a tree far enough away. SLAP; lands like a spit-ball!

The killer bees change course, homing in on the putty like a heat seeking missile.

ROBSON (CONT’D) Save your energy! The storm has passed.

Viv flips around, the buzzing is now faint. Her eyes dance around their surroundings, peers over at Robson then sees the bees hovering around a tree.

VIV What did you do?

ROBSON It’s just a little environmentally safe chemical mixture I came up with to attract killer bees. I told you as students of Robson Dunn’s survival school, trust you’re in good hands.

VIV For now.

They keep moving.

ROBSON Let’s get to work as we delve into learning a variety of bush craft skills while still minimalizing our impact on the environment.

DEREK We gonna eat soon?

LANGLEY Yeah, I’m getting hungry.

Robson takes out a knife, goes over and peels off some inner bark from a tree.

77.

ROBSON Ever tried tree jerky? It’s actually unexpectedly delicious.

Robson pops it in his mouth. Chews.

DEREK I’ll take your word for it.

ROBSON Suit yourself. But there’s still a variety of other natural flavors to choose from out here...

SLAM CUT:

MONTAGE

1) Robson teaches the Family how to forage for food, finding wild edibles in the most unpredictable places.

They pick plantains from trees as the Family becomes more open minded, attuned and at ease with their new environment. Except when Derek starts puking. Everywhere.

2) Robson takes the Family through a series of basic flint knapping and cordage making techniques.

Kenny pounds a rock against another rock, creating a sharp edged stone tool. A piece splits off --

Spence is hit in the face by the flying projectile, he falls back then gets up to let everyone know he’s fine. Despite the fact that his face is bloody.

3) The Group uses their newly made tools to assist them in building a shelter from materials collected around their surroundings. Not a bad setup.

4) Langley helps Robson create a friction fire. Viv cautiously drops purification tablets into their water bottles as they fill them up at the river’s edge.

EXT. RAIN FOREST - LATER

Sweat-soaked, the Group slogs through mud with tired looks on their faces as they head back to:

78.

EXT. BASE CAMP - LATER

A GI style mosquito net has been setup. Robson pours soup from a kettle, serves to the parents and kids holding out calabash shells for bowls.

ELISE What a day.

SPENCE Talk about transformational travel. We’re eating piranha soup.

He happily slurps it down. The rest of the Family is less sure about this inventive cuisine.

KENNY It feels like we’re on Naked and Afraid but no one’s naked and with Robson, we’re never afraid.

ROBSON Kenny flattery will not earn you extra credit in survival school. But it will get you another scoop.

He plops more soup in Kenny’s bowl. Large baked black ants are also being cooked on the fire, he puts them on a makeshift dish, has everyone take one and pass it down.

ROBSON (CONT’D) Snack on these. Baked black ants to nourish yourselves after a long day.

Derek ponders.

DEREK (to Robson) What else have you eaten?

LANGLEY Yeah, like what are some of your favorite extreme foods to consume when you’re trying to survive against extreme odds.

Robson doesn’t have to put too much thought into it.

ROBSON Let’s see, raw goat testicles can be tender. Elephant dung is moist but definitely not my favorite. Though it certainly can get you through the day when you’re in the bush. Fire ants hit the gullet pretty hard too.

79.

Viv blanches.

VIV That’s lovely.

Derek thinks for a sec.

DEREK If Robson cut out a piece of his shoulder to bait these piranhas, does that mean we’re cannibals cause we’re eating this soup now?

He’s got a point. Langley starts to feel uneasy.

LANGLEY At this juncture, I’m more concerned with what could eat us.

Elise agrees.

ELISE I was swimming in the same waters as piranhas. That’s so not reassuring. What else could’ve been in that river?

VIV Or right here at base camp.

Their minds race.

SPENCE What about flesh-eating insects?

Worried, Elise starts fanning her face with her hands.

ELISE It’s going to be like that episode of The Monsters Inside Me we saw. That girl went with her parents to South America and had these things in her head, gave her horrible pain, it was oozing out, there was blood. They got her to the ER. Didn’t know what it was. But the doctors took samples. They found out it’s a screw worm! Had to put bacon on her head. Vaseline all over to smother them. Ended up pulling two hundred and ten larva out of her head!

As a Goliath tarantula (size of a dinner plate) crawls up Spence’s shoulder, moving towards his neck. Derek sees.

80.

DEREK Um, Dad.

SPENCE Yeah Derek, what is it?

Kenny notices too.

KENNY There’s a tarantula on your shoulder!

Spence jumps up. The tarantula is thrown off onto Derek. He stands up real fast and flails his arms, releases an unusually high-pitched scream like a castrado.

DEREK Get it off! GET IT OFF!

Derek flings it away. On Robson, much ado about nothing.

ROBSON For God’s sake, loosen up your buttons. I’ve had lovers whose bites hurt more than a tarantula’s.

The Parents are not going there. He digs into his bag, yanks out what appears to be a color smoke stick, twists the cap off and unleashes a plume of repellent.

ROBSON (CONT’D) This repellent I cooked up will help keep the creepy crawlies away.

For a moment, no one can see each other.

SPENCE At least it’s not burning my eyes.

CUT TO:

Later. Robson, Langley, Derek and Kenny howl full- throated at the moon on a rocky mound.

As Elise and Spence set up their double hammock between a pair of trees. Viv is already sound asleep in hers with a makeshift eye mask on, fashioned from a split leaf.

ELISE Do you feel slightly irresponsible as parents doing this trip?

SPENCE We can’t be like those overprotective helicopter parents. (MORE)

81.

SPENCE (CONT’D) The kids are never going to forget this experience. They’re building the kind of confidence that’s hard to find in modern life. And it’s teaching them to be self- sufficient. I’d say that’s a good thing.

ELISE You’re right.

SPENCE Trust the universe.

Spence picks an unknown berry off a tree and pops it in his mouth, unconcerned.

EXT. CLOUD FOREST - OVERHEAD SHOT - LATER THAT NIGHT

Not too far away, a small plane flies overhead. As a MAN in a glowing LED wing suit leaps from the sky.

Seconds later, the Wingsuiter drops down on the edge of a cliff. He uses night vision goggles to hone in on the group down below settled at camp.

EXT. BASE CAMP - SOON AFTER

Everyone is asleep in their hammocks. Except Spence, he’s in a daze. Not wearing a stitch of clothing.

Disoriented, he spins in a circle, lost in nearby underbrush for no apparent reason.

Spence looks around, hyper-vigilant. The only explanation for his behavior is that the berry he consumed before bed contained hallucinogenic properties.

SPENCE (to persons unknown) I see you... I won’t let you take them. I won’t let you fly off with Kenny into the night, carry him off to your lair in the cliffs, suck out his eyes and consume him. You hear me?!

In his hammock, Robson’s one eye pops open. Then the other. He turns his head, glances over at Spence pointing up at the sky.

SPENCE (CONT’D) You won’t feast on my son’s entrails! Not tonight! Not ever!

82.

He breaks down into a sob, shaking his fist. Robson goes over, trying to figure out what’s wrong.

ROBSON Spence, let’s try to keep our voices down. What’s the matter? What are you doing up? And why don’t you have any clothes on?

Spence glances down, remembers he’s naked.

SPENCE I woke up, had this burning sensation in my skin. I had to take my clothes off. All of them.

He motions to a pile of clothes on the ground.

ROBSON You should put them back on. I’m totally comfortable with nudity but Langley is underage and your niece, you don’t want to be the creepy uncle. (then) I went to mine’s wedding as a kid. He Highland danced the whole night away in a kilt. Nothing underneath. Gave new meaning to the term Flying Scotsman, you don’t unsee that sort of thing ever.

Spence gathers up his clothes, gets dressed.

SPENCE But he’s here. He’s really here.

ROBSON Who?

SPENCE (dead serious) The legendary Moth Man.

Robson suddenly realizes:

ROBSON Did you eat anything earlier?

Coming to his senses --

SPENCE Just had a berry from that tree over there before bed time. I was inspired by your teachings on wild edible plants.